Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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