How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
