So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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