omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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