now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His hands were made for my vagina.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
