my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We got so high we made milksteak
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
