dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
