Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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