yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
