So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
