I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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