Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
