captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
