He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
