dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I deserve this hangover.
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