Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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