Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
this is an emotional support booty call
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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