did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
