I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
