Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
