The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
