I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
