there's paper in my vomit.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
