Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
