remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
