remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
