I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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