I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
