You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
