How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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