i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
