Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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