It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
