she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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