beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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