Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
