So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
