Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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