We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
