Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
