I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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