i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
