Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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