Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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