Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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