I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
