haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
