I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
