If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
