i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
